lonely as i am.
Posted onJune 24, 2009
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the world spins around me
yet i am sober.
i sit here, silently, waiting for the world to stop;
or my life to stop…
my razor kisses my arms
and my hopes bleed out.
i want to go far away, anywhere but here.
nothing can fix me anymore.
Sexy Umbrellas Is Cyaniide- I Did Eat
Posted onJune 21, 2009
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why dont we just both sleep on it?
in the morning perhaps we will see the light.
it could be over by morning time
perhaps you will no longer here me whine
maybe i will wake up dead
40grains in my head.
dont you love my bitter shakes?
and my heart that aches and aches?
nay no-one does. So stop flirting
your not helping im hurting and hurting.
Posted onJune 15, 2009
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i find myself dreaming of you-again.
your the one who makes me smile,
the reason i wake up.
i feel myself pulled towards you like the last guy i loved;
but its different this time, cos you feel the same.
its because of you, i let them sew my arm back together,
its because of Him i cut it open in the first place.
i’m completly over him, i swear.
-fuck-im lying again.
do my best swan dive, into shark infested water.
Posted onMay 7, 2009
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I dreamt about you again last night
pinned to my dreams of a forgotten yesterday
last night I danced with a man
you serenaded me with your stolen verse
I was yours.
the nightmare part came too
I awoke upset because you weren’t there anymore
but then I remembered; in reality
I never danced with a man, just a boy
you never sung to me
and I was certainly never yours.
I cried because I saw the truth
even when I had you
you were never there.
this shit… its my whole fucking life.
Posted onApril 16, 2009
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so heres the way it works?
i cry and cry these tears, so pointless, never getting anywhere
with my bestfriend next to me,
and craving the booze, craving drugs
oh and craving you.
with the best of intentions
over those 3 fucking words.
LyricsLyricsLyrics, pass the violence
its just weird, like me, like everything i supose.
i love you. i fucking love you. i’d die, cos maybe if i died you’ll miss me.
instead i write another stupid poem -so emo- that you’ll never read
cut myself again, cos phisical is easy, the emotional anguish thats the hard bit.
touch me.
i love you okay. its not hard for me to say, because its the only emotion i have left.
i need to feel you
i need you to hold me
to promise me its okay
to say that you will never let anything ever ever harm me
hell the only thing that will is myself.
dadum dadum dadum.
Posted onMarch 26, 2009
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aren’t you sorry that you came?
things are getting hot in hear.
dont you wish you someone else?
fishhhhhhhh
Posted onMarch 25, 2009
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give yourself over to a smooth operator,
take me for all that i got.
i’ll leave you a crush that will be with you later
shock it the way we take off…. like a shot.
honey you got blood on your sleeves.
Posted onMarch 13, 2009
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we’re all a bunch of liers
so tell me daddy, who do you want to be?
you want to sell me?
this is sadistic with a capital “gee”
im just a fucking animal
we both laugh at the shootings in school
like you dont know what im up to?
satan knows your cool. oh so fucking cool.
what happened daddy?
what did i do wrong?
when was the last time you acted like a dad?
its been so fucking long.
“we all want to party when the funeral ends”
Posted onMarch 13, 2009
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i draw a smiling face on the foggy train window
i watch it fade away, like my life.
when im gone? will i be important enough for someone
-anyone-
to notice me missing. Am i like the ripples in the lake
capturing my interest for a moment
before the disapeer into nothing.
im so close to death now, somedays i swear i can taste it
but yet no-one can see this
i put up my gaurd, smilling like my drawing
but slowly fading like it too.
the date marked in red in my planner “Sharons Birthday”
who is sharon?
my funeral, will be a party. Your god knows that
mine rejoices in that.
we are just animals, im killing myself
cos its cool? oh im so cool. oh so cool.
so do it…. i dare you
walk away from me, i will die in this place
they’ll never take me alive, i can never have you alive
i dont fear death. yet i fear for you.
haiku 79
Posted onMarch 10, 2009
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did i fall to fast?
for you to open out your arms
and try to catch me.
only 2 more months :)
Posted onMarch 9, 2009
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they say potassium cyandie tastes like almonds
one day i will find out if this is true
i promise.
its mean.
Posted onMarch 9, 2009
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i gazed into your beautiful eyes
with a misunderstood state of misunderstanding
your touch on my bare skin, is heaven.
against my memories of him,
you are brilliant.
against your memories of her,
i am but a schoolgirl.
i’m begging you not to let go of me,
because with every ounce of strength i have
i am loving you.
your voice isnt quite like yours,
as it echos off the concrete walls
mine is silenced by reason.
My heart Beats for yours,
my body is yours,
i am yours.
random blog…
Posted onMarch 4, 2009
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in this world their are several types of people. there is the type of person like Katrina, the person who will share, just so people don’t feel left out. easy to talk to, has her opions but won’t shove them in your face. then theres people like Stella, very sweet, creative, and rarley gets angry. These people get walked over, and its easy to do. there are people like Annie, loud, self centred, wants everything her way, oh so instant gratification. Then theres people who dont take advantage of others, but will take things when its givent to them. Or theres people who are content with themselves, quiet, and non-confromtation like Candy. Then theres people like me…. i dont know where i fit…. the senario atm is, the caring people are sharing food, and listerning patiently to the instant gratifaction people whinging about the rain…. Ellie is just herself, sitting across from me, being herself, playing agmes…. and me….. im writing this, in a corner, just listerning, wondering…. why people are like this…. and wondering, why am i friends with people like allie, and why are people like Stella and Katrina friends with me?
Posted onMarch 1, 2009
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i am a teenage drama queen
i cut my heart up for
self esteem
FAIL just fail.
Posted onMarch 1, 2009
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give life, or take life.
thats our only option,
loose those would be moments
miss our childs first step
first word
first smile.
i dream about her
a giggly girl, with goldern locks
so pure, so sweet
how can i even think about taking her life?
this thing, this child, its growing inside me
its hard to believe,
i can love something, thats not even alive.
white trash queen
Posted onMarch 1, 2009
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why do i put up this fight?
why do i bother to write?
unread words, unheard music
im different to you, i belong to the night.
we can try to move on, try to smile
but its time to get ready, ready to die
see this vision? see my hope lost
its all gone, im only here for the moment
iwwatmifcjhyt.
Posted onFebruary 22, 2009
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i can see somethings wrong
you’ve lost weight and you look sick.
and the cuts? darling please talk to me
your a close friend, i dont want to loose you.
xxhett
he looks like the skeleton he keeps in the closet
the secrets, the lies, broken and stolen
the cuts on his wrists, like i dont see them?
trouble with work? tafe? cant find a job?
cant find a girl?
take the one you just left?
she was perfect, she was pretty
things were fine when you loved her
this world is insane
and you are its lover.
poem… i guess
Posted onFebruary 19, 2009
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Lying here hungry …
My whole body in pain …
Should probably eat something …
But I feel to ashamed …
Starting to shiver now …
Beginning to shake …
God how I love this …
How my body just aches …
Got up for some cold water …
Then to take a cold shower …
Remind myself that soon …
I’ll be a delicate flower …
Did 3 hours exercise …
But I must do some more …
Still got one pound to loose …
Like the pound I lost before …
akwatrd
Posted onJanuary 24, 2009
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sorry guys its been a while
new stuff soon, i promise
xoxhett
swimm swimm swim sink.
Posted onDecember 23, 2008
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well learnerblogs is working again. and i think i am too. **sighs** i caught up with raven last night, after we had a amassive fight. and im so sleepy, cos i snuck out insted of getting some sleep last night. did i ever mention i hate christmas? well i do, i want to grow up and be the grinch. i havent been online in a while, just stuff. lol. mmm i wrote this after i got home last night.
mwah.hett.man in the croud with the multi colored mirrorslying in the ground with hand tied
sold to his wife, with the money of a natuaral trust
coming down.
crazy smiles, and hidden tears, thelaughter theache.
love of a monster, broken inside.
jesus allah buddha, please get me out, save me from my addiction.
oh the pain. jesus christ the pain.
there will always be the “last time”
really. how bad have i become?
35 butterflies. whoops.
Posted onDecember 17, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
maybe if i turn that sad song off this could be a good time.
“cos you knowi’d walk a thousand miles, if i could just see you, just hold you tonight”
Posted onDecember 17, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
when you feel so alone,so broken, and you reach out
to find just emptiness
i guess forever has conditions huh?
if only you knew how bad i feel. how much i needmy blade, my knife
or even better… a gun
i turn that same song on.
the one thats make me cry, its your profle song too.
jesus christhow i need you.
i wish i could make you see what going through me head.
i wish you knew this hell.
i want you to understand.
so when it happens, when i do it,you wont be sad
you’ll see its a good thing, because i need to leave.
must escape.
mhm
Posted onDecember 11, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 6 Comments
i love you..
wishes.
Posted onDecember 4, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
boy- i saw her again today.
girl-i saw him today.
boy- she looks better than ever before
girl- i couldn’t stop staring at her
boy-i asked how things were going
girl-i asked about “her”
boy-i’d pick her over any girl i know
girl-he’s prob really happy now
boy-i can’t look at her without crying
girl-he cant even stand to look at me
boy-i told her missed her
girl-he said he missed me.
boy-i meant it too
girl-he doesn’t mean it
boy-i love her
girl-he doesn’t love me
boy-i held her for the last time
girl-he gave me a “just friends” hug
boy-i went home and cryed.
girl-i went home and cryed.
boy-i lost her
girl-i love him
like me
Posted onDecember 4, 2008
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the world dizzly spins around
voices clearer than reality scream at me
-calm myself -
with each step, my stomach rises suddenly
sickness closing in.
never again, never again
i promise.
but this is a lie. there will never be a
-last time-
at least not for people…
like me.
Posted onDecember 2, 2008
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and today she put down in word. exsactly how i feel.
im over it all you know? so yeah thanks paislee… i couldnt do it myself.
so yeah…. poemy song…..by paislee.
Theres a girl standing in the crowd
She isn’t heard coz she cant speak that loud
Shes getting so sick of being hurt
And walked on and treated like dirt
She wants to scream till her lungs give out
She’s cut on the inside and the out
She’s pretty sure everything is fucked up
She’s reaching out for something…booze, gun, drugs
hehehe
Posted onNovember 30, 2008
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forward stepping two by two
laughter ceases me and you
broken hearted, you know the one
easy girl its just some fun
ryming poem that males no sense
good or bad? its on the fence
slow it down take it easy today
dont lie, we know you. RUN AWAY.
….
Posted onNovember 26, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
okays, a attempt at haiku
its not good, but
its better than the shit they have on trains
lol connex should put this one up 
much love, xx hett
so i run away
he will scream at me no more
where do i go now?
dear sky.
Posted onNovember 26, 2008
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today it is hot. a photograph with too much light
blinding, bleeding.
where is the rain gone?
walking barefoot- the grass long dead
the pavment blisters my feet.
oh dear sky! let it out
just cry. weep on our sunburnt land
weep on me.
it is hot. i long for cold.
-how can i feel anything with air so still-
oh dear sky.
where are your tears gone?
little cars
Posted onNovember 23, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 10 Comments
urg i need a last line 
any help?
its for a friend i miss very much.
loving you, loving me
is it not the same
both will end in heart break
neither one is sane
i bleed for me, like i did for you
as i try to see the light
i scream your name cry for you
in the middle of the night
my wonder girl
amazing one
how i love you so
9 words to describe me.
Posted onNovember 20, 2008
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why call someone crazy when you can call them-
demente
folle
sinnessjuk
lud
loco
insane
krankzinnig
lud
nebun
LONE WOLF
Posted onNovember 13, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 7 Comments
her twisted soul tries to fly
darkness rips at her blinding eyes
she watches as her lover screams to die
have you seen the lone wolf cry?
hidden away, she hides the pain
lies to her friends its all the same
she smiles and laughs plays there game
have you felt the lone wolfs shame?
laughter just a memory
the hurt the pain left is all to be
nothing but darkness as far as she can see
have you seen the lonewolf? its me.
very qwerty
Posted onOctober 23, 2008
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arh! stupid nightmares
the plauge my every sleeping moment
well this is just one of them
again it seems to make little sense,
but now daze i tend to make little sense.
xox hett
as i scream in agony, as you push me to the floor
you smile as you hurt me, and yet you still crave more
the next morning comes, but hope will never rise
my fate, my death is to buried in your lies.
hiding the scars both outside and in
you seem to laugh as i hide all my sins.
you tell me you love me and will never leave my side
but were you ever here? or is the real you inside?
goodbye
Posted onOctober 16, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
Life and hope, wither and die
children in the street scream and cry
our leaders don’t help us the smile and lie
that’s what it felt like when you said goodbye
Fate and choice must collide
inside my soul hate should reside
I look forward to the very day
when the memories of you go away
poiuytrewq
Posted onOctober 14, 2008
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I have felt carefree in flight,
Flying like a raven in the dark, starry night.
The world below is just a simple story,
I could watch and bask in my glory.
Nothing is there as I open my eyes,
My dreams have painted my only disguise.
I look to and fro, but i’m still in my bed,
With thoughts of flying going through my head.
Though when I wake I am back in reality,
Back to life to forget my night of immortality.
But if I could, I would live in my dreams–
Live in my fake reality not quite what it seems
life ^_^
Posted onOctober 9, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
i wrote this with my best friend on my lap.
my dog solly is my best friend, and this is for him
just so you know I DID NOT FUCK THAT DOG
lol just thought i’d settle that rumour.
ily solly,
and all those people that share the same love for there pets.
much love, hett
i blow a shy kiss to you
as i walk out the door
a sideways smile shared between us
and then the moment is gone
i tell you everything
you reply with only a look of love
our eyes meet and its as if…
you understand every single word
until i met you
i never understood love
but you taught me, you showed me
you gave me life.
alone? i know the feeling hunn.
Posted onOctober 7, 2008
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hrm i was watching 10 things i hate about you for the
7th time this week. its my feel good movie, and latley i’ve
been kinda down. i love the sonnett she writes, hense
the name of the movie. anyway, well i can relate.
when you just wish you could get over someone
and you cant. so this is my own version, its not a sonnette
as i’m not in the mood. but well yeah.
xxhett
i hate the way you style you hair
the way you act so proud.
i hate the fact you make me cry
and when you let me down.
i hate it when you don’t talk to me
when you act like i don’t exsist.
and the times you leer at girls
it really gets me pissed.
i hate the way you never notice
all things i do for you
but most of all, what i really hate,
is that i can’t hate you.
3.16
Posted onOctober 4, 2008
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okay he dumped me. i feel like fucking shit
i look it too. “oh but we can still be friends”
yeah thanks bram, i feel so much fucking better.
so i here i am fucking single again.
and in the same breath i both miss you and hate you
-hett.
its three sixteen in the morning
i don’t know what to do
i see you everytime i close my eyes
i’m sick with thoughts of you.
your words cut me deeply
and still echo in my head,
as i rip apart the shirt you bought
i wonder would you cry i were dead?
you may never know how much i hurt
or how long my pain will last
but one thing that you should know
you’ll never be in my past.
0987654321
Posted onSeptember 26, 2008
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feed desire……
1234567890
Posted onSeptember 26, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
hrm…
this doesnt make much sense,
even to me, and i wrote it 
enjoy anyway.
xx hett
all the promises made
broken once again
for love is a lost game
when you helped me stand
doesn’t mean anything
as love is a lost hand
going insane, loosing my mind
you just laugh
love is fate reside…..
everytime i see you
Posted onSeptember 17, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
everytime i see you
my thoughts turn to blood, i want to run away and hide
i want to take you into my arms
everytime i see you
you make me want to die, you make me want to live
you make me love you
everytime i see you
i want to tell you how i feel, i want to stay with you forever
i want you.
fine line
Posted onSeptember 15, 2008
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look me in the eye,
look me in the heart,
look at my soul,
you tore it apart.
i’m alone
i’m a loser
but i love you
MY abuser.
running from the rain.
Posted onSeptember 11, 2008
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okay, this was written about 5 minutes
i’m under alot of stress with my dad and all
so i know its not my best work
but people keep emailing me and telling me
i should put new stuff up
so i am.
xxhett
He looks for a quarter,
as he stands in the corner.
He raises his hands to the sky.
Nobody looks,
but everybody sees
it makes him want to die.
As his mind ticks over,
the dog rolls over
And I begin to cry.
He laughs with a tear
as she drinks the last of his beer
and then she runs from the rain.
His blood is free now
as it runs to the see now
he slit his wrists for the pain.
She thought she knew him
but once she blew him
It blew what she knew down the drain.
the contest.
Posted onSeptember 7, 2008
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okay, finish this poem for me, and you will win my love.
its a writing contest of sorts
xx hett
i need you to know, i’m not alright
these secrets are walls that keep me alive
i’m all on my own, not going home
my heros hate me
Posted onSeptember 7, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
I dreamt so sweetly of you last night
you held me so close to you
you made me feel special, feel loved
when i awoke, you were gone
so i cryed
then i relised, you were never here
to begin with.
123456789
Posted onAugust 28, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
this ones for you….. cupcake. i know you wouldn’t dare do
what you’ve been threatening, stay strong
i miss you.
xxx hett
your words echo in the back of mind,
as i try to slip into the cold embrace
of sanity.
i dream of a forgototen tomorrow,
of a day without hope,
but not without you.
they all tell me it will never work,
they all tell me its not to be
i still can’t stop loving you.
missing you
Posted onAugust 27, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 5 Comments
Morgan, sweetie, PLEASE call me. Your phone is never on. I miss you alot, along with alot of people from mater. i wrote you a letter the other day in english, but i dont know how to give it to you. I guess this poem is for you honey.
loving you always…..hett xx
It was so easy, when we talk
without words.
Remember the days you’d read
i’d annoy you.
so many times, i wanted to kiss you
so many times i looked for a opertunity.
i miss you. i miss us. i miss myself.
Back when we’d be us, back before being
normal
mattered very much.
so much i want to tell you.
so much i cant find the words to say.
i guess, i’m just missing you.
7 emotions behind love
Posted onAugust 25, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
LONELY cannot even begin to describe how i feel. The moody blue quiet sweeps around me, i miss you so much but i the same breath i wish i never met you. I cry, and cry, till my head hurts and my eyes are as red as the blood that flows through my veins. I feel so REJECTED. How can one person cause so much pain with just one sentance? and how can i still long for that person? My heart thumps with each beat of the heavy bass, but each thump is hollow without you. And as the tears fall so do the drops of blood, each symbolic of my PAIN. Memorys of you and hopes of us seem to flow aound me, the angst and the gental purple. I breathe in LUST for you, but breathe out my own ANGER. Both seem to go hand in hand. My phone rings, a ring of hope surounds me, before it is broken by the bitter blue-green DISSAPOINTMENT. I let the number ring out, before dialing yours, about to press “call” FEAR of rejection once more cuts through me, like knife through butter. so i stop. i long for you to long for me. LOVE SUCKS.
promiscus preistess waiting for the bell to toll
Posted onAugust 17, 2008
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whispering of freedom a world unknown
bombing for peace, death toll grown
a kiss on the cheek, disapeer into the night
your full of wonder, i’m full of fright
my insane prince, full of low self esteem
i’m his bride, his much loved queen
as he sits awaiting death
no sign of fear, or one regret
truth be told, life cares not,
all he wants, is never to be forgot.
morning dew
Posted onAugust 13, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
lying awake, my thoughts drift to you,
i wonder if like me you think about me too,
i used to be in love with you, but i’ve moved on
the reason, it didn’t work, is why im singing a final song
so when you get a chance to think about why i’m dead and gone
you’ll know, it was cos i couldn’t do it, im long past my dawn
i hoped i would grow up and be pretty enough for you
but that was a dream, one that left like morning dew.
~~the worst days of your lives~~
Posted onAugust 11, 2008
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no-one suspects the storm that rages inside her,
she laughs, but something is missing, it sounds hollow.
carriing on like nothing matters, convincing her self it doesn’t.
its the only way to stop herself,
but she cant stop it forever.
goodbye
love..
Posted onAugust 6, 2008
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fuck this. i’m out.
is it i (jai shi krishna)
Posted onAugust 6, 2008
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pink nails, silver toungue
broken hearted, still young
loving life, loving death
nothing here, no regrets
icy hands, black hair
grey eyes, skin fair
broken arm, broken heart
go to hell, earth depart
missing him, missing her
gunshot wound, still no care
fuck you cunts, fuck the world
sell your soul, to the man in curls
~
Posted onAugust 6, 2008
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normal hurts honey…
[practicly] crying
Posted onAugust 3, 2008
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you promised me the world below,
but all i got was a lighting show
another broken promise, whats it to you
they lie at school and they lie at home,
a broken heart, a broken bone
but one day i’ll bring truth to the broken
i wake up in the dead of night
another dream, i’m full of fright
those are the times when i need you
i cower away, and hide the scars
i’m still a mess, a fallen star
nothing like broken dreams in the morning
you taught me i was more than this
and to use my word and not my fists
i love you, but your breaking whats left of me
my blood is thick upon he floor
you hit twice walked out the door
every night i pray death, but you dont know that
i could take your pills, or slit my wrists
or let you kill me in one of your fits
i hope the price is right for addiction
its hard to hope when i’m alone
just a product of a broken home
one day you’ll regret this and say sorry
until that day when you think then act
i’m dead inside, and thats a fact
but i’ll always be your broken little angel
alone
Posted onJuly 28, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
this was writte for a writing contest, the theme was “the beach”
i didn’t really stick to it, but its close…
xx hett
salt water reaches for my dirty sneakers
i dance just outside its grasp
hiding my emotions behind a smiling mask
wind teases me, pulls at my hair
i don’t bother to fix it
i look out at the harbour see just one ship
alone like me, lonely like me
sand streches out infront of myself
a golden carpet i feel almost wanted
but instead turn around and see my footprints
and mine alone.
i’m joking relax… my life is safe
Posted onJuly 27, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 4 Comments
hey there, this is written to someone that will
never read it. its for the best i guess.
xx hett.
chance tonight i should die,
would you care, would you cry?
i hope they dress me in my jeans
play a song ’bout lost dreams
friendship is fine, its all i wanted
shame you can’t give me that
just incase i slit my wrists,
the suicide note is in my fist
i guess i can make it one more day
so long as tommorow i have my say
please hunn, keep my secret safe
don’t tell, i beg you
…?
Posted onJuly 23, 2008
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she chains her self to a tree
but the lock, sets her free
love and hate are one the same
she does her thing, plays their game
what they don’t see, they don’t know
she hides away, lets nothing show
they tell her she’s weird and belives them
so sits at her note pad, chewing a pen
every morning she goes for a run
and all that time she’s having fun
an hour alone no bitches or lies
alone with her thought just her pair of eyes
she cares for the earth, but no one can tell
and head over heels for this guy she fell
this poem has no point not point at all
just my story…… [i heard the call]
the one i once loved
Posted onJuly 13, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
you dont know it
but each word you say
kills me a little inside
we used to be so close
but i dont hate you
but its clear you hate me
i beg of you, dont give up
i know you dont care how i tink
but please stay strong
hate
Posted onJuly 11, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
and though my heart is breaking,
i think about you each moment that im waking
i can hear that ringing but its not a bell
not right now always means not a chance in hell
br…brr…bren, i begin to stutter
when you say my name my heart begins to flutter
then i relised it was just to say goodbye
we all have faults, baby, im sorry that i lie
i ask you what you hate most i know your dying to say
“i hate you most,hett, JUST GO AWAY!”
you know everything thats happened in my past
but before i met you, time just moved too fast
i really really like you, more than you will know
the chance of your forgivness is a snowflake in hell
maybe honey one day, you’ll say i love you then my name
but until you do that, i’ll never be the same….
969
Posted onJuly 9, 2008
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There is nothing left for me here.
A note smelling of purfume and my broken dreams.
Give it up, world. I see you for what you are.
A sham. A poser. A loser. A user.
Like me on one of my better days.
I cry crystal tears that shatter upon the surface of my sorrow
Nothing reaches the depths of my emotions
The torrid waves of lightning torment
That shocks my soul like crack’d electricity
A million watts of sadness upon my
prematurely wrinkled brow
My dry deserted heart.
No one understands. No. One. Understands.
Why??? why?! why!!? why!?!!.;,…
Endless slander of my needs.
What I want. What I can never have.
Slowly you have chipped away at the last
Stronghold of my strength
Turn it off. Turn off the lights.
I can only stand darkness.
Where I may weep alone.
tell a story
Posted onJuly 9, 2008
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I have fallen into the acoustic guitar.
I’m a quirky grrl who does love, believe it or not.
I feel like I can impregnate the world with my fire tongue.
Other days, I’m more comfortable in the fetal position.
I want you to kiss me on the cheek so I can tell your story.
Do it. Now.
I am trying to heal my insides. It hurts.
Posted onJuly 6, 2008
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i am unique i am special i wont change
Is it wrong?
Posted onJuly 5, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 4 Comments
i was on a site telling me just cos i listern to marily manson, i’m going to go to hell.
if im going to go to hell, for listerning to decent music, i dont want to go to heaven. life is short and i wont bow down to some fascist preist.
xx hett
Is it wrong to turn away from the god that you know
to worship evil, let the pain flow?
is it wrong not listern to what my elders say
to spit on the cross, or refuse to pray?
Is it wrong to wish for destruction, death and gore?
I want to meet the devil, and I want to score.
Is it wrong to sell my soul to a man with curly hair
horns, goat legs, and not despair?
is it wrong to slit my wrists, and bathe in the blood
to dance naked, and cover myself in mud?
its not wrong to listern to MM, or to sing it loud
I dont wanna go to heaven, and for that, I am proud.
promises
Posted onJune 30, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 1 Comment
don’t block the pain embrace it honey
its worth it babe let it take control
i know you think its bad for you
but each hour brings us closer to perfection
[shut up. you dont own me]
don’t try and lie we know the truth
you me we’re the same we are one
ever since the first time your saw youself
you promised one day you’d be pretty
[not listerning. you lie!you lie!]
you don have a choice in this
you lost you voice so just let me win
i can make us beautiful
and i can make him notice you
[i give in. you win i promise i’ll be good]
disss-a-peer-in [again]
Posted onJune 27, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
missing you
again.
remember those days when we’d play war hammer
you’d take over thy game. then crack it. then leave
but i miss those days. remember grade six camp?
you had a green milo hat. and ur legs were so white.
they got tanned in a week. it wqas sort of cute.
remember back when i asked to kiss you. most embarrased.
since then i’ve grown up. learnt to lie. learnt to steal.
learnt to do so much, im not proud. remember when we went
skating? remember when we tripped over each other?
remember apple carting there? remember translating “snappi”
in art? nothing better to do, and emma brought in that c.d.
most importantly…..
do you remember me?
[ii]m sstil n0t quitE nor[m]all ..::and i never will be::..
Posted onJune 27, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 1 Comment
i wish i were like you, evryone loves you
dont say i’m lieing i wish i were like you
***
you look so pretty, your hair is perfect
dont try and deny it, i wish i was pretty
***
i wish i were normal, like you are
dont say im normal, i know i’m not like you
[fucking hell]
i’m in love here, but you don’t that
i wish that you knew me, i wish i were like you
***
Posted onJune 27, 2008
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rain hits my face
music sweeps around me
i long for someone to hold
i walk through the trees
leaving the bass behind
and soon begin to run
i run until i hit fence
i cut my leg but i keep running
across private property
til i hit a main road
then i turn around
and head back towards camp
broken hearted
but still unfortanetly
very much alive and accounted for
life sucks.
i hate her
Posted onJune 18, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
the ride home is crowed
but it was worth it to see you smile
and the entire time
i was thinking of you
just simply you
i wonder are you thinking of me too
are you wondering what im doing
or are you thinking of “her”
and how im nothing like you ideal girl
i love you
and you just look right through me
as if i’m not there
its okay i’ll still love you.
SimonSays
Posted onJune 16, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
simon dies today
i’m gonna push him into the bay
with his lies and greed
in a garden he’d be a weed
he fucked my life
hes the one that gave me my knife
my imaginary friend
now its time for his life to end
simon my one love
he said he was sent from above
hevean my ass
he broke my heart like a piece of glass.
to my friend morgan
Posted onJune 14, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 1 Comment
sorry.
averycrypticpoeme
Posted onJune 13, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 1 Comment
tint my heart blueish pink
and sound the rosy bells
for when cupid starts to wink
it love.. anyone can tell
pray for romance not for love
hold my hand and kiss my cheek
brake my heart like a goldern dove
my love i wont repeat
lovelovelove
Posted onJune 13, 2008
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unrequited love is better
than no love at all
even if when ever i see you
its like your looking strait through me
you brake my heart
with
every
single
word
you say
each time you smile at me
which isnt often
you brake my heart
and the day it shatters
that will be the day your sorry
that will be the day you love me
that will be the day you see me the way i see you
for want of a “real” leader
Posted onJune 8, 2008
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will your tin soilders thank you
when there lieing dead in there grave?
i love you more than you’ll know
Posted onJune 5, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
loss of life for loss of death
hide your heart, sorrow regret
death is sweet they teel me, dear
write in cryptics though the message clear
tell a tale all behold
sell your sins weight in gold
hold me tight don’t let go
but let me drift fellings low
dare to dream, dream to dare
shut you eyes, dragons lair
a cold dark truth drench in blood
slit your wrists and show your love.
sorry
Posted onJune 1, 2008
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im sorry i cant get a decent photo.
i’d send youone of my face,
but my eyes are filled with tears.
i’d send you one of my body
but it is covered with blood.
i’d describe my self to you,
but i can only think of
is a friend ive been losing.
so im sorry ic ant get you a decent pictue
maybe you can snap one when im still
my tears dry on their own.
Posted onMay 22, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
i don’t need you
you can promise to be there for me,
but honey, my tears dry on there own.
i don’t need anyone
some days, i doubt i need myself
i belong alone
i caught my self thinking of you
had to slap myself
to remind me i’m better off
i love you
i always will
but i’m better off on my own.
…the beauty of reproduction…
Posted onMay 14, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 5 Comments
she told me she was pregnant
i told her to find me a meal coat hanger
and a hell of alot of paper towels.
an ode to my last hero (even though i’m the adult)
Posted onMay 14, 2008
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you told me to speak my mind
even if my voice shakes
and to never hide how i feel
but hear i am, smiling
to hide my pain.
i don’t want to cry any more
it all fades to grey in the end anyway.
i wave to my heros
the smile, before i walk through them
its mind over matter
you don’t mind
i don’t matter
the drugs don’t work
when the numbing wears off
i feel twice as bad.
perfect
Posted onMay 12, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 1 Comment
breathing in deep, as i purge my body of sin
in Mia’s icy grip, shaking me
you told, she screams in my head
i told my best friend i was slipping into old habits
but he never new about this one
tellin myself its for the best
as i cough up blood
i want him to notice me
and to smile, as he picks me up
i’ll only get that if i do as mia says
she will be my guide.
one day i will be perfect
and he will love me.
bitter sweet dreams
Posted onMay 7, 2008
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like a bitter pill,
i am hard to swallow
if you can’t take me
not my fault
you go through what i do
and you’ll be just as bitter as me
i wont coat myself with suger
i wont be fake
i am bitter
take me or leave me
i dont care
cos deep down ur
twice as bitter as i am.
no mr (or miss) Right
Posted onMay 3, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 6 Comments
their is no perfect person
out there
for me.
there are plenty mr Fuck no
and even more mr approxamite.
i have met a few almost good
and a couple mr nearly right.
but i think i’ve found the most important “mr”
she is infact a miss.
meet miss you’ll do me..
**aplosause**
and when they ask
why i love her
i say, she is simply my beautiful
precious miss ____.
she is whatever she wants to be
when ever she wants to be.
and perhaps…
just maybe..
i’m her miss you’lldo me fine too.
to my friends in canada.
Posted onApril 28, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
an angel came with ebon hair,
russet eyes and skin so fair
deep inside their isnt more
she wants nothing but vitae and gore
a homacidal slaughterous bitch
with slits on her wrists and scars on her tits
raising the gun she pulls the trigger
the more she kills her pleasure is bigger
the walls run with carmine sins
everyone lost, but she wins
another angel came down and said
you’d be better off if you were dead.
“I never wanted to be anything but me.”
Posted onApril 28, 2008
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this poem was inspiried by charles manson… it is comprised of his quotes. i’m not focusing on his crimes, as his crimes did not make him,
you did. you, socitety made him the monster he was, you should be careful i may go down the same track….
xx hett
I never thought I was normal,
never tried to be normal
I’m not very wise
but i know
you haven’t got long before
you are all going to kill yourselves
because you are all crazy
I can’t judge any of you
But I think that it is high time
you all start looking at yourselves
and judging the lie that you live in.My life is not important here
and Pain’s not bad, it’s good
besides You people have done everything
in the world to me
Did I kill anyone
It’s all kind of silly.
perhaps this is a private joke..
Posted onApril 23, 2008
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the lone wolf howls to the blue moon,
its golden rays cast deep shadows over the landscape.
in the middle of the icy land,
lies a small girl, surrounded by a crimson pool.
with her last breath she whispers a phrase,
and is heard only by the deaf girl,
who smiles at the irony left undetected by all,
and keeps the joke to her self.
As the birds pass over her lifeless body,
rotting away into nothingness,
no difference in death than life,
she’s still disapearing.
its for the best..
sweet dreams
Posted onApril 16, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 5 Comments
you have just made me happy
for the first time in a long time
i thank you for it
i love you
thinking of you my sweetheart
sweet dreams.
tell me
Posted onApril 16, 2008
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Mi corazón está rompiendo.
Solucionarlo.
Por favor
Te quiero!
Me dicen que piensan lo mismo
READ BEFORE COMMENTING>
Posted onApril 14, 2008
Filed under interesting points | 1 Comment
you know…
i may not be the best writer…
or the greatest friend,
but i have feelings too.
if any of you so called friends knew me…
you’d know i hate it when you fight.
i don’t mean to be selfish,
buti am setting up a no flaming rule.
if you don’t like someone,
FINE!
but this is my blog.
ful of MY writing
you are all MY friends
AND I AM SICK OF THE JELOUSY!!
you are breaking my heart
its already cracked
don’t you see its killing me.
please just stop ok??
talk about my poetry
discuss your hatred else where…
i’m not kicking off my blog
but..
please JUST STOP THE FLAMING!!!
i have enough stress as it is,
oh and pat…
i NEED TO TALK TO YOU
pleeeeeeeeeeeease call.
you have my number.
…
Posted onApril 9, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
you can only bend me so far
before i snap compleatly.
missing
Posted onApril 2, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 4 Comments
MISSING
$$$$REWARD$$$$
name: Patrick milward
alias:stupid genius
last seen:st joes fete
I haven’t been able to contact him
and I’m missing my best mate
any info, or him
would be appreciated
get rich quick scemes
Posted onApril 2, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 4 Comments
http://www.emailcash.com.au/join.asp?refer=N38008
you know all those get rich quick skemes
well this is one of them…
but i t actually works
i have made 400$
so far
click on the link above and find out
i know ii said i’d never sell out
this isn’t selling out
just giving my friends the chance to make money
its based on the “points per survey thing”
so by voicing your opinion
you get points
and if you get points
you get cash.
so click the above link
and sign up
and pass the link to friends
so they can get rich quick too
its risk free.
http://www.emailcash.com.au/join.asp?refer=N38008
lovee??
Posted onApril 2, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 9 Comments
I am in love
but the one I love doesn’t love me
I think about them everyday
and I try not to love them
I mess around with others,
but I still wish my love for me
you cant have it all
but your all I want
we’ve been friends since we met
and since we met everyone has said
“ooooooh hett’s going out.”
but if its true you’re yet to tell me
a friend said you’d be asking me out
but you never did
I don’t hate you
I cant blame you for having your eyes on someone else
I cheat
I lie
I steal
I’m not good enough for you
but maybe you could pretend I was someone else
and maybe we could love
we spend so much time together
or we used to
I guess you cant stand me
but maybe if you could
do you think we could go see a movie sometime?
Luis Alfredo Gavarito is who i want to be…. (lol… aren’t i screwed up?)
Posted onMarch 30, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 1 Comment
1966
hiding under the table
i hear my brothers run past
my left eye is black
my ass hurts
raped and beaten
life cannot get worse.
1972
leaving home
sleeping in the streets
drinking….
i wonder if the saints
on cards i sell
would be proud?
life has gotten worse
1992
i tie him up
he crys and begs for mercy
beating him
just like daddy beat me
raping him
just like uncle freddy did me
ha life is wonderful
1993
another one down
i’ve cut his arm
right through the bone
he bleed out
fuck it was messy
i draw a small line
in my notbook for him
1996
number 102
i draw a line
licking the blood off his
trashed torso
smiling to myself
i take a swig of booze
bury him and leave
1999
im in jail
i ain’t scared
these kids enjoyed it
i’m proud of what i did
haha 140 down
i show them my book
140 lines
140 deaths
140 moments of joy
in my fucked up life
i am luis alfredo gavarito
i am jesus christ.
and i tryed not to cry..
Posted onMarch 26, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 3 Comments
tasting pain as our lips move gently against each other
slightly opening your mouth you breathe sorrow and deceit into me
pulling me close, time seems to freeze
and i try not to cry
trailing your icy tounge along my neck i break out in fear
a cloak of doom sets in around me
as you force me down to the hard wood floor
and i try not to cry
my already broken heart.. shatters
you have no idea what you’ve done
i’ll live on but, i’m always going to be hurting deep inside
and i’ll always be,
trying not to cry…
xXxVampiresLikeMeWeren’tMent4LovexXx
Posted onMarch 21, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
i never said i was human, no r did i say i was real
but my love for you surruonds me, its all i can feel
though we may be different, enimes from when time did start
i still cant deny my unmoving, unbeating, broken heart
a vampire to love a warewolf, a mythical romeo and juliet
but to stick to my kin and their values is a sin i would regret
mortals wouldn’t understand, they’re not bound by blood
for beasts of legends like us we’re not ment to fall in love
maybe one day, i’ll become human, or even just like you
i know its hard to speak, just talking to me is taboo
dont kill me
no, i never said i was human
illness
Posted onMarch 9, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 7 Comments
Walking down the yawning cerulean hallway
silently hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
its just like last time. I read the signs over head
“critical care” and “short stay”
I don’t want him to breathe his last
the hallway is dim as I draw to the finish
fighting back tears as a priest walks past me
he could be here for dad
speaking into the intercom
I manage to ask for my father
just a minute hunny, I’ll let you in soon
so I sit on the bluish, green floor,
and pray to an absent figure
I begin to bargin, but its useless,
if he were real, this wouldn’t be happening
yet I continue to pray
its another 24 minutes till nursie copens the door,
stepping through, being swallowed by its emptiness
room 4 she says as I walk across to him
hooked up to a box he makes a dumb joke
i ask about his health
him smirks but it wasn’t a joke on my part
“I’ll either need a transplant…”
I tune out
my daddy might die
I stay with him for another 34 minutes
he says he’ll walk me to the end of the ward
its slow going and I can hear his breathing
so croaky, so close to death
he kisses me on the cheek as I walk out of CCU
I fight back tears as I leave
he’ll be okay
its dad he’s tough
but the reality is
my daddy’s dieing of a broken heart.
half a poem… i’m too tred to finish it.
Posted onMarch 2, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 6 Comments
i am giving up, i just can’t take it any more,
sick of the vitae and tirde of gore,
and everything that goes on in my head,
i’m going to make it stop, soon i’ll be dead.
gloom is my future self
Posted onFebruary 28, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 2 Comments
this one is just for you stupid genius, you seem to be getting a little jelous at the moment.
just think you should know, the guy, it isn’t you. it won’t be your fault. but the guy i’m refering to
in here, he knows who he is.
xx hett
her eyes carmine and sable
an ebony dress with russet lace
and stained with vitae
silently she walks into his room
pulls out a knife
“let the butchery begin”
she whipers
cutting her throught
cardinal red runs down her front
with her dying breath she gasped
i love you but its all your fault
then its all better
gloom is dead.
poem by rowan hawke
Posted onFebruary 26, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 12 Comments
this poem was written by my friend rowan. who may i add to mysterious man, he is one of my best friends, and so are you, so stop whinging. Kinta is my bestest mate of all.but i am not here to rank you guys. back to the point. this was written by rowan hawke.
The lost long for the fealing to be normal and accepted…
The darkened wait for the light…
I am one of them, i long to be accepted for whom i am,
I wait in the dark still longing for the light…
How could the lost be found?
How could i be found?
I have fallen to deep into this nightmare, but wish to stay…
Is it my longing keeping me here?
No, it is the dark that has consumed my soul, the lost wanting me to be there…
I was there for them while all the others walked past…
How could i join them? The snobs that have never felt lost, or in the dark,
I will never be one of them…
I am the Dark, i am the lost.
to big air, rowan, the guy who talked to pat 4 me, and who never called me, like he promised.
Posted onFebruary 20, 2008
Filed under My poetry | 12 Comments
we were so close,
almost siblings.
i took the fall for you, as you would me.
i remember your words,
“i’ll miss ya mate, i have your number,i’ll call you”
but you never did.
now after more than a year,
i still miss you,
your company,
your laugh.
i guessd i’m writing this,
just incase you read it.
cos i miss you, a hell of alot.
your short blonde hair,
your bitch of a brother,
the way you’d brag about,
the fish that was “this big”
and you’d listern to me.
i thought i could tell you anything.
well almost.
i wonder if you ever got together with jaimi,
or if you still think about her more than me.
you know i used to get jelous.
you’d talk about her non-stop.
now i’d give anything to hear your voice again,
even if you are talking about her.
i miss you alot,
need you even more.
sometimes i think you just don’t care.
i have alot to tell you,
if you give me a email,
a phone nmber
i can be honest withyou.
cos god knows i’ve thought about you,
almost everyday.
even if it was just for second.
i miss my best mate.
i miss my brother.
i miss you.
